Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

You may have waited a long time to find “the one.” Maybe things started with a jolt of excitement, but now it feels more like a slog.

Some days you may wonder if you are attracted to your partner anymore or if they are still attracted to you. Emotional and physical intimacy isn’t what it used to be. Instead of conversations, there are misunderstandings, blaming and arguments that go nowhere.

You wonder what happened? Can you get it back? 

We are biologically wired for connection, but maintaining a healthy and satisfying partnership can be far from easy. All relationships need attention and care, even if you are on solid ground.

Recognizing when things aren’t working takes courage. There may be concerns about what might get opened up. Even suggesting therapy might feel like you are admitting that you think there’s something wrong. Feelings of fear, shame and hopelessness can stop you from getting the help your relationship needs to thrive. 

The truth is relationships are hard. They take work. It can be hard to do that work on your own.

I can help you, in couples therapy, whether you are in 

• a long term relationship, 

• a newly formed one

• married 

• have children

• one that has experienced infidelity 

• not sure you want to stay or go

Couples therapy and marriage counseling can help you to invest in one of the most important areas of your life: your relationship. 

Communication is Key to Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling

Conversations with the people we are the closest to can be the most difficult because so much is at stake. Communication issues are one of the most common reasons people seek help. I see couples and marriage counseling as an opportunity to have a conversation: to take the time to slow down, step out of the pattern you may be caught up in and get to the heart of what is working and not working. I can help you uncover the emotions and beliefs that may feel too vulnerable to share. Providing you with tools, I can teach you and your partner how to share your most tender parts--connect through empathy, instead of conflict. Being able to do this creates  safety and trust, the foundations for a strong relationship.  

My Approach to Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling

My goal is to help couples identify and break down the blocks that prevent them from having the relationship they want. Some of the ways in which I help couples include: 

• Understanding and improving communication

• Addressing issues around closeness, intimacy and sex

• Helping partners connect with empathy and compassion

• Exploring and changing unhelpful patterns, such as blaming and defensiveness

• Healing from injuries, including infidelity, ruptures to trust, and lack of emotional attunement

• Identifying and working with trauma 

• Working to resolve issues about continuing or ending the relations

Challenges in relationships, even a crisis, is an opportunity to get stronger and for personal growth. 

When you are in a relationship you don’t stop being you. Each person brings with them how they have been shaped by their families, previous relationships, hurts, expectations and dreams. This is what makes you who you are and probably holds the key to understanding what brought you together with your partner. My approach is to focus on understanding each individual, as well as the nature of the relationship you have created together. 

My training includes intensive Inter-Analytic Couples and Sex Training at UCLA, and incorporates tools and techniques fro Esther Perel, The Gottman Method, and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. These approaches share the foundational belief that the way in which you choose and respond in an intimate relationship is based on the attachment style formed at the earliest stages of life. Knowing more about this part of yourself and your partner can go a long way toward meeting each others’ needs, reducing conflict and strengthening your bond.

I am a sex positive therapist and work with individuals and couples in the LGBTQ+ community. 

Couples and Trauma 

Trauma is a factor that is often ignored or misunderstood in relationships. As a trauma specialist, I have the skills to identify and work with the ways in which trauma may be affecting one or both partners and the relationship. 

Being in a relationship requires creating trust and safety. Trauma is a violation of both If you have experienced any of the following in your past, it may be impacting you now.

These past traumas might affect couples and relationships:

• sexual abuse 

• sexual assault 

• physical violence or neglect as a child or in another relationship

• growing up in a family with substance abuse or mental illness

• experiencing a major loss, separation or abandonment 

• medical trauma 

• a life altering event, such as an accident, combat or natural disaster 

Your nervous system, the part that triggers a fight- flight-flee response, may still be on alert, trying to keep you safe from further harm. Your partner’s words or actions might cause you to react, rather than respond, leading to conflict, withdrawal, intimacy issues, feelings of shame, and disconnection--even if you consciously know they are not a threat. 

It is hard to go through life without being impacted by trauma in some way. Chances are that your partner may also be acting from old wounds.. I can help you and your partner get clear on what’s going on and learn to how to work from a place of compassion that will deepen your connection for each other and yourselves. 

If you would like to learn more about trauma and effective treatment, please visit my EMDR therapy page. 

Other Mental Health Services at Michele Conklin Therapy

In addition to couples therapy, I provide specialty treatment for trauma with various counseling methods that work. I offer mental health services for depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and creative issues. Finally, I specialize in Creative Trauma Resolution using effective PTSD treatments, such as EMDR and Mindfulness and Somatic practices.